Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
