I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
