Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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