I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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