i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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