it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
