I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
third nipple confirmed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
