I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
