At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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