Jerry, you need to find god
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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