Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
