Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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