I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
