ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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