I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
