I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
