I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
