We're facebook friends in real life
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
