I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
