Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
