I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
