With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
