she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
