What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
