6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
