oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
