i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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