her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
