Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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