honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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