my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
