No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
