Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
