singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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