But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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