super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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