I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
