I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
