last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
