how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
