as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
