With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
