At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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