I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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