Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
