At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
