i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
