I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just found a bag of teeth...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
