my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
