Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
