a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
